The Narcissism of Small Differences

 The Narcissism of Small Differences We live in a culture driven by an ideology centered around individualism. People spend their free time trying to carve out unique identities for themselves, striving to distinguish themselves from their neighbors in every facet of their lives.A new car, a bigger TV, an upgraded house, and a better-paying job are just a few things individuals strive to obtain to set themselves apart from their neighbors and satiate their desires for uniqueness. The idiom "keeping up with the Joneses" describes thosewho are always after the next big material thing that will "one-up" their neighbors. Conversely, we in God's church are called to be humble and to practice unity, not individualism. How can we possibly overcome the individualistic culture we live in when so much of our lives are driven by pressure for material possessions, outdoingour neighbors, self-obsession, and inward thinking rather than focusing on empathy and the well-being of others? In 1917, Sigmund Freud coined the term "narcissism of small differences" to explain his theory that those who are closest to each other culturally are often more prone to disagreements and conflict. The idea is that individuals in close, grouprelationships are often hypersensitive to minuscule differences in personality traits and behaviors in family and friends, manifesting in hatred and resentment toward those with similar beliefs and practices. Small communities of people with multiple commonalitiesare prone to constant, internal war, causing rifts between those who think alike in many respects. Sadly, the church is not spared the harmful effects of human carnality and society's push for individuality. Brethren from all the groups of the greater church of God engage in arguments, cast judgments, gossip, and ostracize those of similar beliefs. Like an autoimmune disease, the Body is at war with itself. Its parts attack one another, causing division in what God designed tobe a unified whole. While the Bible does not explicitly define the terms narcissist or narcissism—they never appear within its pages—the mindset that characterizes its spirit frequently emerges in Scripture. A narcissist can be defined as "one who is self-absorbed, full of vanity and admiration for oneself and no one else." Proverbs 18:12 states, "Before destruction the heart of a man is haughty, and before honor is humility." Blatant pride and arrogance pave a path to a life of broken relationships that can be mended only by humility and godly character. Solomon pens another warning in Proverbs 16:5: "Everyone proud in heart is an abomination to the LORD; though they join forces, none will go unpunished." To live out a life focused on self-infatuation is to deny God the fruitsHe asks us to produce when He calls us and places us on the path to His Kingdom. Paul writes in Galatians 5:22-23: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law." None of these fruits can exist in a relationship of self-centered thinking and egotism. We are called to be in union with each other, together as one Body in Jesus Christ. Paul explains in I Corinthians 12:12: "For as the body is one and has many members, but all the members of that one body, being many, are one body, so also is Christ." Our shared belief in Christ should be strong enough to bridge divisions and mend our broken relationships.In John 17:21, Jesus' prayer urges us to be one as the Father is in Him, and He is in the Father. However, we are inherently carnal, so our human nature lures us into contention. This tendency compelled Paul to write to the church in II Corinthians 12:20: "For I fear lest, when I come, I shall not find you such as I wish, and that I shall be found by you such as you do not wish; lest there be contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, backbitings, whisperings, conceits,tumults . . .." God did not call us to showcase pride and individuality. He did not call us to quarrel and create division among those in our family, the church. Excessive individualism is detrimental to our spiritual well-being and ultimately serves onlyto create further schisms among Christ's Body, which should be closely "joined and knit together" (Ephesians 4:16). Those born in Western cultures, particularly in the United States, are taught early to do what they can to set themselves apart from others. Compounding this issue is the strong sense of entitlement many in the West feel, the result of decadesof economic prosperity, national security, an emphasis on praise and self-esteem, and a stress on always doing what is best for oneself. This egocentric foundation culminates in a greater sense of pride and an intensified inclination toward self-defense whentoo many similarities threaten a person's unique sense of self with those closest to him. Thus, to defend his pride, an individual will often emphasize minor differences with others in the community and downplay any similarities. I Corinthians 1:10-17 serves as an example of congregational disunity and cliques forming around the teachings of particular apostles, each claimingthat they were following the "correct" way. Paul openly thanks God that he had not baptized many in that congregation. He knew they would likely claim that he had baptized them in his name, missing the point of unity in the name of Jesus Christ, who died toredeem them from their sins. The same apostle advises in Philippians 2:3-4, "Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself." We are to act as though our neighbors' and even our enemies' lives mean more to us than our own. Jesus statesthe principle in Matthew 22:39: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." No attitude enveloped in pride and self-obsession allows a person also to honor His command to show empathy and compassion for others. As Jesus also said, "No one can serve two masters" (Matthew6:24). We must be more mindful of our disagreements and often-petty grievances, making sure to weigh the damage they are causing to our relationships. Is our desire to be right in a particular situation worth the cost of severing a relationship witha relative or close friend? Often, we fail to realize how deeply we are driving wedges between ourselves and those around us whom God calls us to serve. Throughout the Bible, God emphasizes that He desires those who are humble and meek in character: "But the meek shall inherit the earth, and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace" (Psalm37:11). Jesus Christ, the Son of God and our Lord and Savior, washed the feet of the apostles in an act of humility that completely stunned them. He forgave those who beat and ridiculed Him even as He hung in front of them on the cross for sins that Hedid not commit. His selfless humility is the example we must strive to emulate. Our human inclination is to hold grudges for wrongs against us. The byproduct of our striving for uniqueness and individuality is that we often hurt the ones closest to us without even realizing it. That is the narcissism of small differences.Our culture drives us to embrace this mindset, which serves only to distance us from God and our brethren's fellowship. Spiritually, we must rise above this selfish mentality to bring about the unity encouraged by Christ and the apostles. - Steven Skidmore